How to Support a Loved One with ADHD

ADHD is a condition that can easily be misunderstood. It affects how a person processes information, responds to the environment around them, and copes with everyday demands. But too often, people living with ADHD are labelled as lazy, difficult, forgetful or chaotic.

But they’re not; they’re doing their best in a world that isn’t designed for how their brain works.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated or unsure of what to say or do, you’re not alone. And neither are they. Support doesn’t mean fixing things. It means meeting someone with compassion, even when you don’t fully understand their experience.

Start With Compassion

People with ADHD are often misunderstood. They might be described as disorganised, forgetful, impulsive or inattentive. But ADHD is not a character flaw. It’s a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how a person processes information, responds to stimuli, regulates emotions, and navigates daily life.

Offering support begins with compassion. That means letting go of assumptions and recognising that someone isn’t “being difficult” they’re just trying really hard to keep up in a world that isn’t built for the way their brain works.

Learn More About ADHD

No two people with ADHD are exactly alike. Some may be outwardly energetic or impulsive. Others might seem withdrawn, anxious or overwhelmed. ADHD symptoms in children often look different from those in adults with ADHD. It can impact emotional regulation, timekeeping, memory, decision-making, and even how someone experiences noise, light or sensory input.

When you take the time to learn about ADHD, you’re better equipped to respond with patience rather than pressure. You start to see what’s really happening beneath the surface, and that’s when your support becomes truly valuable.

Understanding Rejection Sensitivity

One experience that often gets missed is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). This is more than feeling a bit hurt or embarrassed. It’s an intense emotional reaction to perceived rejection or failure. Even gentle feedback can feel like criticism. A small change in someone’s tone of voice might feel like abandonment.

People with RSD aren’t overreacting. Their nervous system is wired to feel social threats more deeply. And because RSD is linked to ADHD, it’s something you may witness even in people who are usually confident or high-achieving.

What helps most is clarity and kindness. Reassure them, reflect on what’s true, and avoid making assumptions. A calm, steady presence helps them come back to centre when the spiral starts.

Support That Starts With Listening

If your loved one hasn’t yet received a diagnosis or professional support, you might feel stuck. But your encouragement could be the gentle nudge they need. Try to avoid telling them what to do. Instead, invite conversation.

You could say:

“I know things have been feeling hard lately. If you ever want to talk to someone or find support, I’d be happy to help you look.”

You might also offer to:

• Research local clinics or ADHD assessment services

• Sit with them while they fill in forms

• Come to an appointment with them if they feel anxious

Even small gestures can bring real relief when someone feels overwhelmed.

Be Consistent and Practical

Supporting someone with ADHD isn’t about solving everything, it’s about being a calm, steady presence. 

Here are a few practical ways you can help:

• Break down tasks into manageable steps together

• Offer reminders or check-ins (with consent)

• Encourage regular breaks

• Create quiet or clutter-free, calm spaces

• Let go of the need for perfection

Your patience can make a big difference when someone is battling frustration or self-doubt.

Remember That You Matter Too

Supporting someone with ADHD can bring moments of joy, connection and closeness. But it can also feel exhausting, especially if you’re carrying a lot yourself. You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You might even question whether you’re helping at all.

It’s important to remember that your wellbeing matters too. It’s OK to need boundaries. It’s OK to take breaks. And it’s OK to say, “I don’t know, but I’m here with you.”

The strongest support comes not from people who do it all, but from people who show up honestly and keep trying.

When Support Means Seeking An Assessment

Sometimes the best way to support someone with ADHD is to help them take the first step toward understanding what is going on, and what help is available. A formal assessment can bring clarity, reduce self-doubt, and open the door to meaningful support through strategies, therapy, medication, or coaching.

At Jacobs Clinic, we provide comprehensive ADHD assessments for both adults and children, without the lengthy waiting lists. Our clinicians use NICE-approved tools such as QbTest and QbCheck, alongside structured interviews and detailed questionnaires, to build a clear picture of each person’s needs.

Following the assessment, we offer personalised guidance, practical recommendations, and a full written report that can be shared with healthcare providers, schools, or employers. Whether you’re supporting a loved one or considering an assessment yourself, we’re here to help. 

Support means meeting people where they are and helping them move forward. When you're ready, so are we.

Read more about what to expect from an ADHD assessment at Jacobs Clinic.